Addicted

For some time , I've thought to myself... I want to live a life worthy of reading about in a book. .... a life with plenty of excitement and drama and unusual happenings.

Well, while my life has certainly not been short of those things...it has been short of success and happiness. While I've been jumping from crazy situation to crazy situation... i haven't moved forward.

The drama has accumulated to a pretty high level as of late. And its time to leave it all behind.
Can I really leave all these men behind? What I was doing was fun... but at times hurt me and made me feel bad about myself. I was being promiscuous and dishonest.
They all offered me some form of excitement...all had something unusual about them. J introduced me to the world of raves, clubs, dj's, electronic music, and the drugs that come along with that scene (not that I used them...really). He knew how to have a really really good time.. and I had them with him...but it got out of hand, and I got too caught up...and hurt. Will and Boni were African, exotic, dark, had sexy accents, and I never quite knew if I could trust them..which, even though that's sort of sick, added to the allure.
Dinesh was sweet, let me walk all over him, but he bought me delicious expensive meals, and we discussed lofty concepts, Indian culture, and archaeology.
Bill, you're in there, too. That's a whole other story... but I think we both know our drama is over now.

I'm done with all of these men but one... the hardest one to cut off. The worst one of them...but the one I'm the most emotionally attached to. I can't quite identify what I am scared of losing if I drop him. The sex? The love? the excitement? I have to do it though. I wrote a note to myself a few weeks ago because I read that writing things down makes them more concrete and real to us. It said, "Drop J by October 5th." Well that day has come and gone. Haven't done it yet. But I think about it every day. I can never be happy on my own or meet someone I could have a real, satisfying relationship with until he is gone.

Alas, I have made plans to see him tonight? Maybe it is the sex. Because that is the main event for the evening since he doesn't even get off work until 2am. Or maybe I'm just looking for comfort... since I am honestly and truly sad I won't get to see Will again. Sometimes when you lose someone, you realize how much you really did care about them. He was the only of them all that I thought I could have a real relationship with. But, now that won't happen. And so I'm falling back on good 'ol J.

Sometimes you just have to be ready to let someone go. But how long do I need to wait?

Saturday Morning

Today:

I turned him down. This is a first. I feel strong.

Got up, did the above, and went for a walk with my roommate. We were trying to find this garage sale that was advertised around the neighborhood where everything is free. (Wouldn't really be called a sale... a Garage Give-Away?). However, we were too late and all that was left were some tin cans and plastic bags.
I walked with her to the Farmer's Market, also. I have no money though (as has been the case for weeks, sadly). So I didn't buy anything, but enjoyed the atmosphere.

Last night:

Simone picked me up from work in her white Jag (borrowed from her sugardaddy/ supposed boyfriend, Dennis). We had some delicious sushi at Cafe Mochi, and the world's best cocktails at Absolutli Goosed. We discussed men and sex... and opening our own herbal pharmacy someday (funded by Dennis, of course).



The rest of today shall be good, I feel it!

Po-Mo Irish Dance

What's That Weird Hand Dance Video? Meet Irish Dancers Cleary & Harding.

(from If Its Hip, Its Here)


This wacky and mesmerizing video has been rapidly climbing the viral charts since its debut on YouTube four months ago. A strange song accompanies a man and a woman at a table in front of an oddly decorated wall engaging in a choreographed 'hand dance.'



What is it? Who are these people? If these questions have plagued you like they did me, read on.



It turns out that this video, We Speak No Americano, is from Up & Over It, self-described as "Irish Dance for the Post-pop generation." A collaboration between Suzanne Cleary, Peter Harding and Jonny Reed, Up & Over It aims to stretch the concept of Irish Dance to its limits.






Cleary & Harding live in Cardiff 2010, Music: Frankmusik - 3 Little Words:


A multimedia production for Up & Over It Spring 2010:


Here's a reel of behind the scenes, outakes and 'bloopers' if you will. Compiled by Johnny reel they call it their "Best Bits" and it really endears you to Suzanne Cleary and Peter Harding:


Up & Over It

Juggling

I am seeing multiple men. And another just asked me out.

I'm not sure if I've just reached a point after the bullshit that I don't give a fuck about being loyal to one person. Or if this is just a psychological response to the pain I've felt for the last few months.

It gives me confidence, but it also makes me feel guilty at times. And sometimes, when I'm with one, I just wish I was with another.

I think I am scared to fall for one person. And the one I've fallen for, well, I guess I already have ammunition to use if I get hurt again.

And only one of them is someone I could actually, possibly have a legitimate relationship with. But I'm still unsure.

Part of me wants to get rid of them all, and just be me. on my own. no men.
I don't know if I can, though. (It's sad that I've become like that.)

Toilets of the World

Just discovered this. Love it!

Wish I would've thought of that!

I Love the Eighties (and the Swinging Sixties!)

Has anyone ever asked you in which era you would best belong?

I have a friend that really rocks the 70s look. And since she surely knows which decade she belongs in, it made me ponder this for myself.

I love history, antiques, and vintage clothes ...so for me this is a great question to think about. I can think of style aspects of all the decades that I love. But I think my personal style is a definite tie between the 60s and 80s. Both eras featured bright colors and bold geometric patterns and styles (which are a staple for me). I love the leggings, long loose tops, and chunky jewelry of the 80s; and I adore the chicness of classic 60's London with simple short shifts and clean lines and a sort of "cutesy-ness" (think modern-day Zooey Deschanel) . The Beatnik look of the early 60s a la Audrey Hepburn in Funny Face is probably my ideal look, as well!

Recent Inspirations...

(love the blue geometric print and the brown leather bag)