How She Thinks & Where She's Been

Ok, I need to rant about a few things that have really irked me lately....

So, I'm about 8 months into my current job as an airline crewmember.  Many things are fucking AWESOME about my job...but there is one thing I've noticed that really bothers me.  Sometimes I feel like workplace norms, ethics, respect, rules,etc  are stuck back in 1967.  The way that pilots and others treat flight attendants and women in general disgusts me.  The sexual harassment, belittling talk, and lack of respect is hard to tolerate sometimes.  Yesterday our Captain got mad at the First Officer for finishing a conversation he was having with me before he turned to answer a question the Captain asked him... and the Captain says loudly "GOD, What are you? A FEMALE!?" How is that ok???   This is just one example of many, many instances of sexism I see on an almost daily basis. 


Rant #2.  Last week I met my aunt to hang out with her at the dog park she takes her boxer to.  She goes there almost daily and has a group of friends she has made there and socializes with.  Most of these friends are older (40s-50s), white, wealthy Chesterfield residents.  I was introduced to them and we are standing in a circle, near others in the park, having light conversation.  One man mentions he used to have a boxer growing up named "N*****."  (Yes, the N Word).  Everyone proceeds to laugh.  I am already gawking that he has even said the word.  Then everyone starts making racist jokes and giggling.  I was shocked and disgusted that people still could be so blatantly hateful and racist.   This instance and the sexism described above just go to show how much still needs to change in our society. 


My third complaint is about, well, myself.  I am on week 2 of my break from Men/Sex/Dating.  I feel better, and also worse at the same time.  I think my subconscious is freaking out a little bit.  I haven't been TRULY single for over three years.  There's always been someone to call, stay over with, or emotionally rely on.  I don't want to be dependent on anyone else for happiness, security, confidence, or anything anymore.  But I've been having strange reactions to suddenly not having anyone.  I've been dreaming of ex boyfriends and waking up really really missing them.  I woke up pining for Ciaran this morning.  I haven't felt romantically towards him in years; it's always been platonic since we broke up, or so I thought.  And in the last week I've been trying to call and text Jacob like a desperate idiot.  In a strange turn of events, HE is now pushing me away.  Which, really, is a good thing for me.  But it's making me feel like I have to chase him, and I'm really having to fight myself not to do it.  I am just trying to view these things as withdrawal symptoms... like quitting any addiction.  Once this neediness is out of my system, I'll be in great shape.



So, I'm on day 3 of 4 of this trip. I like my crew (besides some intermittent sexism from the Captain), but this trip hasn't been going my way and I want to go home.  I haven't had a chance to enjoy much on my layovers except one delicious, albeit expensive Italian dinner on night #1.

I'm looking forward to going out with friends when i get home tomorrow.  I'll  hopefully be checking out some thrift shops for my new business endeavor, too.  I'm also hanging out with Natalia in Chicago on my next trip since I'll have a 24 hour ORD layover!  And then when I'm back home again I'm joining the YMCA with Simone and celebrating Halloween! So those things make me happy. 

Also, this post makes me happy.  Absolutely brilliant words of advice.  I think one of my favorites is: Have faith in your Gut. 

And with that in mind, I'm off to start my day of flying!!

L'Shanah Tova!

As some of my friends know, I have a fascination with Judaism despite being raised Catholic. I also like to think, with my Polish heritage, dark features, and from once being told that I tripped someone's "Jew-dar," that I am racially Jewish and don't even know it.

So whether my Judaism is hidden in my blood or simply something I like to fantasize about... I am celebrating Rosh Hashanah (September 28-30)this year in my own little way.

From HowStuffWorks.com:

"Rosh Hashanah is one of two High Holidays in the Jewish religion, the other being Yom Kippur, which occurs 10 days after Rosh Hashanah begins. These two holidays form the High Holiday period, arguably the most significant time in the Jewish year, as it marks the chance for repentance and forgiveness in the eyes of God. During the High Holidays, Jews cleanse their soul and get the chance to start fresh with an unburdened conscience and the intention of doing better in the coming year........It is a key moment, a time to reflect on past mistakes and resolve in front of God to not repeat them in the coming year. It is also a celebration of man's free will -- making the conscious decision to look inside oneself, to look truly at one's life and make amends."

My dear friend and novice Kabbalist, Mandi, texted me this evening with these words of advice regarding the day: "It's Rosh Hashanah! You must celebrate! You're supposed to pray to whomever your higher power is, for all the things you want this next year. And don't... I mean DON'T... say NO to anyone! Charlie and I just gave two homeless dudes a glass of beer, cigs, and pizza."

(This is why I love her.)

In my own foray into Kabbalism, I've been following Yehuda Berg's Daily Tune-up blog for a regular dose of wisdom and motivation. He says this on Rosh Hashanah:

"What’s the #1 thing we can do to connect with the blessings available on Rosh Hashana?

For me, one of the biggest things during Rosh Hashana is to never focus on ourselves. We all have our dreams, our wishes, our desires for the upcoming year. During the for 48 hours of Rosh Hashana, focusing on somebody else’s needs is key to making not only all of our own come true, but those of the entire world. .....Many times we’re given specific difficulties in our lives so that we can help someone else going through the same. If you have financial problems, instead of praying for yourself, pray for someone you know needs money more than you. If you have health issues, instead of focusing on your own, really connect to sending healing energy to someone else who needs it.......it’s important to ignite both consciousness and actions of selflessness for these 48 hours. The smallest acts add up quickly. Open the door for someone, make sure everyone else is served before you, if you see someone looking lonely make sure you say hello and talk with them.

Everything we give comes right back to us."


So with the words of a best friend and a Kabbala guru in mind, I've been preparing for my own little celebration.

Tomorrow I shall eat apples and honey (the traditional fodder of the holiday), pray near a body of water (another Rosh Hashanah practice), and do something kind for someone else.

And tonight, I'm reflecting on who and what I'm grateful for... I don't have much to give to others in terms of money or material things... but I have love, well wishes, and positive vibes to send to those I care about.

...and I'm praying, well in my own way. Sometimes this blog is the closest thing I have to a heartfelt prayer. And the things I put to paper, or those that come from a meaningful hand to a keyboard...are the most poignant to me in the long run.

Life hasn't been easy lately, but I have to look around and admit I am blessed - amazing friends, family who are there for me at my best and worst, my health, a comfortable bed to sleep in, a roof over my head, food to eat, my sanity ( well mostly), and a sense of hope in my spirit.

I'm grateful for these people and things. I'm grateful for a few possibilities that have opened up to me recently. And I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned in the past year.

What I pray for in the coming year is for my own health and happiness and that of my loved ones, to continue to learn valuable lessons and put them to practice, to find courage in myself, and to take the right leap forward in life (wherever that may lead me!).

L'Shanah Tova!

Thought for the Day

From Yehuda Berg's Kabbalah Blog....


"Conflicts occur for one reason: there is a lesson for both parties to learn. You come into this world with a specific set of reactive, self-centered character traits that lie deep within, and manifest on the surface.


Clashes serve one purpose—to push your buttons and reveal the qualities implanted within your nature that you came into this life to resolve. "