How She Thinks & Where She's Been

Ok, I need to rant about a few things that have really irked me lately....

So, I'm about 8 months into my current job as an airline crewmember.  Many things are fucking AWESOME about my job...but there is one thing I've noticed that really bothers me.  Sometimes I feel like workplace norms, ethics, respect, rules,etc  are stuck back in 1967.  The way that pilots and others treat flight attendants and women in general disgusts me.  The sexual harassment, belittling talk, and lack of respect is hard to tolerate sometimes.  Yesterday our Captain got mad at the First Officer for finishing a conversation he was having with me before he turned to answer a question the Captain asked him... and the Captain says loudly "GOD, What are you? A FEMALE!?" How is that ok???   This is just one example of many, many instances of sexism I see on an almost daily basis. 


Rant #2.  Last week I met my aunt to hang out with her at the dog park she takes her boxer to.  She goes there almost daily and has a group of friends she has made there and socializes with.  Most of these friends are older (40s-50s), white, wealthy Chesterfield residents.  I was introduced to them and we are standing in a circle, near others in the park, having light conversation.  One man mentions he used to have a boxer growing up named "N*****."  (Yes, the N Word).  Everyone proceeds to laugh.  I am already gawking that he has even said the word.  Then everyone starts making racist jokes and giggling.  I was shocked and disgusted that people still could be so blatantly hateful and racist.   This instance and the sexism described above just go to show how much still needs to change in our society. 


My third complaint is about, well, myself.  I am on week 2 of my break from Men/Sex/Dating.  I feel better, and also worse at the same time.  I think my subconscious is freaking out a little bit.  I haven't been TRULY single for over three years.  There's always been someone to call, stay over with, or emotionally rely on.  I don't want to be dependent on anyone else for happiness, security, confidence, or anything anymore.  But I've been having strange reactions to suddenly not having anyone.  I've been dreaming of ex boyfriends and waking up really really missing them.  I woke up pining for Ciaran this morning.  I haven't felt romantically towards him in years; it's always been platonic since we broke up, or so I thought.  And in the last week I've been trying to call and text Jacob like a desperate idiot.  In a strange turn of events, HE is now pushing me away.  Which, really, is a good thing for me.  But it's making me feel like I have to chase him, and I'm really having to fight myself not to do it.  I am just trying to view these things as withdrawal symptoms... like quitting any addiction.  Once this neediness is out of my system, I'll be in great shape.



So, I'm on day 3 of 4 of this trip. I like my crew (besides some intermittent sexism from the Captain), but this trip hasn't been going my way and I want to go home.  I haven't had a chance to enjoy much on my layovers except one delicious, albeit expensive Italian dinner on night #1.

I'm looking forward to going out with friends when i get home tomorrow.  I'll  hopefully be checking out some thrift shops for my new business endeavor, too.  I'm also hanging out with Natalia in Chicago on my next trip since I'll have a 24 hour ORD layover!  And then when I'm back home again I'm joining the YMCA with Simone and celebrating Halloween! So those things make me happy. 

Also, this post makes me happy.  Absolutely brilliant words of advice.  I think one of my favorites is: Have faith in your Gut. 

And with that in mind, I'm off to start my day of flying!!

Autumn

I'm aware that you couldn't have been labeling  the time of year as "summer" for quite awhile now... but I think today is the first day it has really felt like Fall to me. 

It's overcast, a bit cool, and the trees are full of color.   

Fall (and breakups) make me want to listen to Adele (her first album).  It seems therapeutic and festive and warm. 

Plus I'll be sleeping in New Hampshire tonight.  That seems like a perfect place to be in the midst of Autumn, doesn't it?  I also just bought some dark red ("oxblood" you might say) lipstick and nail polish to wear on this trip. 

And if one is still hurting a bit over the end of a fling... then it seems this is the right time of year to be doing it.  The gloomy mood of October makes it feel as if everyone and everything else is comiserating with you. 

 

My favorite things on the internet.

These are the only things that can cheer me up when I'm PMS-ridden or full of break-up angst. 

My most-loved sites for shopping, photos, articles, etc......

XoJane

Recently discovered this site...full of articles, opinion columns, & reviews, etc. .  These writings are so honest, hilarious, feminist, insightful, unafraid, and real.  I'm addicted!! 

Etsy

Like a virtual open-air bazaar with handcrafted goods, art, clothing, accessories, products, etc.  Also great source for vintage finds.  All price ranges and tastes.  Also, great to support independent crafts-people. 

SHYB

Feeling bad about your physical appearance? I try to look at this site every day to remind me that there are all shapes and sizes out there and I shouldn't waste time hating myself!!   Real people and real pictures.

The Perfumed Court

I am addicted to perfumes/oils/fragrance.  This site allows me to indulge without spending a fortune.  They decant small amounts of luxury/classic/niche fragrances in vials/rollers/mini- spray bottles for very affordable prices.

Pinterest

An obvious choice. But so addictive.  The best part , for me, are the recipe ideas.

Frocks & Frou Frou

Fashion blog.  This girl is Australian, curvy, classy, unique, naturally beautiful, and I absolutely love her style. 

Underground New York Public Library

Where I go to find ideas for which book I'll read next.  Also, I can vicariously ride the NYC subway via the photos. 

Modcloth

Awesome online boutique.  Not always the cheapest. But everything is MY STYLE to a "T."

Simple Dreams

Visual inspiration for all things 1930s-1960s. 

Broken Record

Round 27 (??) of trying to find a man.

I write this now as I try not to think of my latest break-up after a 1-2 month relationship.  On the bright side, I've broken up with all of them, and not the reverse. (All except one).  I have just become very picky and unable to put up with anything less than awesome treatment.  I guess that isn't a bad thing. 

I have been thinking of how sad it is that Iraq veterans become so fucked up.  I have now dated two who seem like happy, healthy, successful men... until I dig a little deeper under the surface and see how ridden with anxiety and fear they are.  They put up so  many barriers which makes it nearly impossible for them to have a normal relationship; despite the fact that they are desperate to find just that, settle down, and have a family. 

Sigh, I'm not going to dwell on that. I'm just going to learn from it and consciously decide never to date a veteran again. 

Additionally, I've decided to go on a hiatus from men, dating, and sex.  I tried this before, unsuccessfully.  But I'm a much stronger person, now.  I need to "clear my energy," if you will.  Focusing so much on men and dating has absolutely drained my energy and happiness.  My head has been spinning with it.  So, I'm done for awhile. 

Things to look forward to in the near future:

-My travels, as usual. And making the most of them.
-Making homemade vanilla extract for Christmas presents this year.
-More friend & family time!!
-Undertaking some sort of project--art, re-organizing, or otherwise. (Need to do more thinking on this).
-Starting an online shop selling vintage clothes & accessories.  (Really excited to do this, but I'm trying to think of what I can do to set it apart from the zillions of other vintage shops out there.)
-Working out more; I've gotten away from this.
-Writing more about my travels.  So many interesting things happen!

Ok, blogging therapy, over. And I feel better!!! :)