Friday, July 29, 2011

Thought for the Day

From Yehuda Berg's Kabbalah Blog....


"Conflicts occur for one reason: there is a lesson for both parties to learn. You come into this world with a specific set of reactive, self-centered character traits that lie deep within, and manifest on the surface.


Clashes serve one purpose—to push your buttons and reveal the qualities implanted within your nature that you came into this life to resolve. "

Thursday, July 21, 2011

When One Door Closes....

Well, just when I thought I should be done with men... someone new (well sort of new) comes into my life.

For the year and a half that I worked at UHC I had a huge crush (from literally day one) on one of the supervisors. We would smile at eachother and say hello when passing, but I never really talked to him, unless he was helping me with a work-related issue. When I quit, I sort of forgot about him. Recently, I happened to log back into my okc account, and who is the site suggesting as a match for me but this former crush, who we'll call TS. So, I look at TS's profile.. knowing he'll be able to see that I viewed it. 15 minutes later.. I have a message from him in my inbox. Long story short...we messaged back and forth for two days on the site, and now have been texting back and forth... and it has been revealed that we each had a crush on the other. We are getting together on Monday!!

So...I have mixed thoughts on this. I don't want to jump into another relationship. But I can't help but think that this seems a bit serendipitous. I suppose its all in my control,though, how sucked in I get, how attached I get, and what happens with the relationship. But I am excited to get to know him and see where it goes. Before J (#2) I was feeling happy with myself and ready for someone great... J#2 just didn't turn out to be someone great...atleast as a boyfriend (we have recently made peace and are pursuing friendship).

If anyone reads this... any thoughts??? Should I keep focusing on myself... or if I meet a good guy, is it ok to pursue it? (Considering the unhealthy relationships I've had in the recent past.)

Monday, July 18, 2011

"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one you wouldnt have fallen for the second."
-Johnny Depp

Sunday, July 17, 2011

If at first you don't succeed....

So, my new goal of weening myself off of men has not been off to a good start.

But the first step to change is admitting you have a problem, right? And I am becoming very aware of how reliant I am upon men/relationships/sex/attention for happiness. How hard it is to not use these things ....is showing me how much I need to change.

Seeking happiness in the way that I've been trying to in the last several years... is ultimately leaving me very empty.

So, I'm going to be patient with myself and keep trying to move forward.

Today-- doing some cleaning, downloading some music, requesting books to read from the library....

Going to bed early tonight, and getting up early tomorrow morning to go running (on my own... no drill sargent partner necessary!!) before work!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Summer





Every Passing Minute is Another Chance to Turn It All Around...

Some of my new endeavors...

Learning about Kabbalah (inspired by my dear friend Mandi).

Making new friends in South City.

Reading more books!

Taking a few weeks/months to "detox" from men and unhealthy relationships. I advised both J's (yes, there are two now) I need a break from talking/seeing eachother for awhile. I deleted all of my online dating accounts. My plan is to focus on self-improvement and making myself happy! I'm excited about it. It feels good already.

Getting back into music. I used to read about, download, share, and listen to music, new and old, of various genres constantly. In the last year, not so much. Life is empty and quiet (literally and metaphorically) without it.

Finishing my certification to be an ACA (Advanced Chiropractic Assistant).

Continuing to save to get my TESL/TESOL/TEFL Certification!

Monday, July 4, 2011

Woe is me.

Why are the negative forces of the universe converging on me???

In the last six days I have...
Gotten broken up with.
Been robbed at gunpoint and had my purse, wallet, phone, drivers license, and passport stolen.
Had my landlord be a dick to me for absolutely no reason at all.
Found out my roommate is moving out, and I need to find a new one by August.

Tryyyinggg to be positive, but seems very difficult at the moment. The only thought that comforts me is that these things are meant to happen in order to lead to better circumstances. I.e. I was not meant to be dating a certain person, needed a wake-up call to be more safe and aware in my area, needed a challenge to strengthen my beliefs in certain things, and I now have an opportunity to find a much better person to live with.