I am Not a Robot

Wow, sometimes you think you know someone so well, but there are some things you never realize. Claire just got really pissed at me about something, but it was based on something she was insecure about, of which I had no idea.
Anyway, its worked out now. And I guess its good that it led to us having a pretty good talk. Had one last night, too.


Lately I feel very secure and happy in my social/personal life. Even in my job (which i thought i was close to losing, more on that later), but suddenly things are not so great with school again. why do i always let this happen??? I've been avoiding Emily b/c I don't want to talk about it and admit things... but I need to see her on Thursday. I always tell myself to just let school be my priority, to just focus on that, but it seems the thing that always gets put to the backburner so easily. So I'm kind of mad at myself.
As a result, I have some catching up to do in two of my classes and its stressing me out, and the more stressed I am the more I just want to avoid everything. It's a nasty cycle. But I've been doing so well this semester, and I don't want to ruin it now, at the end. If I can just get through I have Vienna and then my final year to look forward to!

Anyway, with work. I wrote a pretty blunt honest email to my boss last night, about some "indiscretions" on my part that I knew she was avoiding bringing up with me. And I wasn't sure how she'd react. But she wrote back a really nice email that made me feel a lot better and secure in my job. I think she is such a passive, non-confrontational person that she was just so relieved that I was the one to bring things up, and she didn't have to address me herself. But atleast maybe now she knows I dont jump to the defensive when confronted, I handle things calmly.
And I'm proud of myself for being so straightforward, honest, and open to discuss things - I've been that way a lot lately, with basically everyone I'm close to. And it is definitely something I pride myself on.

Another deep thought I've been having tonight is how much I'd like to eat some meat... maybe some beef brisket, or some barbequed chicken, or a juicy hamburger... I must have a protein or iron deficiency or something... b/c I NEVER crave meat... this all started on St. Patrick's Day because of a certain person feeding me pork which i never eat! hmmm.

Also, I really like the new colors I have chosen for my layout here. Sehr schön.